We hear about charismatic or controversial leaders, all too often, demanding “love,” or at least loyalty and total dedication to the mission. In describing the culture of Neuralink, a clinical research firm, one employee stated, “It’s all about the goal, everything else is secondary.” This type of mission focus can lead to extraordinary results, at least in the short term, but isn’t sustainable and can negatively impact our relationships. Leadership isn’t only about achieving goals; it’s about relationships, especially interpersonal relationships. These relationships define what we expect and are willing to commit to others.
As leaders, it’s easy to forget life’s challenges and isolate ourselves when we focus too much on achieving goals. We were not built to be alone; it’s just not good for us (Genesis 2:18). As relational creatures, we transition through a variety of relationships based on the people and times throughout our lives. Ecclesiastes 3:1 reminds us:
“For everything that happens in life—there is a season, a right time
for everything under heaven.”
The Bible’s most important commandments are formed by relationships based on “love.” When asked, Jesus responded the greatest commandments were (Matthew 22: 37 – 40, TLB):
“Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. The second most important is similar: Love your neighbor as much as you love yourself. All the other commandments and all the demands of the prophets’ stem from these two laws and are fulfilled if you obey them. Keep only these and you will find that you are obeying all the others.”
The Bible doesn’t discuss “love” as a concept, idea or notion, but as an action. Notice that the commandments don’t say we should think about loving God or our neighbor; instead, it commands us to “love” both. Keeping these commandments isn’t easy, mainly because love isn’t easily understood. Love is a term that we use too loosely. We often hear people mistakenly use the term love when describing passion or something they like such as a job, car or meal.
Passion is a strong feeling of enthusiasm or excitement for something or about doing something (Britannica Dictionary). When not supported or nourished, often due to inconvenience or neglect, passion tends to fade. How many times have you bought something you initially “loved” but later regretted? In many instances, our passion is driven more by our minds than our heart.
Geraldine, a character created by comedian Flip Wilson, would rationalize the most outlandish behavior by using the catch phrase, “the devil made me do it.” I bet you’ve heard someone try to rationalize even their most unjustifiable behaviors. Jeremiah 17:9 (NOG) warns:
“The human mind is the most deceitful of all things.
It is incurable. No one can understand it.”
Our relationships, with each other and with God, should be built on a foundation of “love.” The problem is that the term has become over-used, generalized and commercialized to the extent that we’ve lost, or at least complicated, its original meaning. Today, we recognize many types and definitions for “love.” Psychologist Robert Sternberg developed one of the most widely accepted theories of love, known as the Triangular Theory of Love. According to Sternberg, love is composed of three core components which, depending on their intensity, combine to form eight types of relationships. These three components of love are:
- Intimacy which refers to the emotional closeness and connectedness we share. It involves feelings of warmth, trust, and mutual understanding.
- Passion is an intense desire, feelings of longing towards something or someone. Passion is primarily motivational in nature.
- Commitment is about the decision to stay in a relationship to share a future together. It involves feelings of dedication, loyalty, and responsibility. Commitment is primarily cognitive in nature.
As humans, we sometimes intellectualize and over-complicate things. One of the great beauties and strengtheners of the Bible is its simplicity. Jesus explains that our relationship with God is a total, all-consuming relationship requiring our heart, soul and mind (Matthew 22:37). It could be me, but Sternberg’s intimacy, passion and commitment components resemble those described in this verse.
Our relationships are driven by the value that we place in them. The level of commitment will drive how we behave and will respond towards each other and God. David Treybig, author and Pastor, tells us:
“One of the foundational principles given in Scripture about loving God is that it requires specific action. Loving God means keeping His commandments (1 John 5:3).”
Once established, we have requirements and expectations that allow our relationships to grow and flourish. Carroll Bryant, author of Children of the Flower Power, said that:
“Love is a two-way street constantly under construction.”
Next month, we’ll continue our journey in building better relationships by beginning to unpack how the heart, soul and mind impact our relationship with God, and how they affect how we lead others. I hope you’ll join me.
Gilbert Camacho serves as President, Organizational Leadership Solutions, a management consulting firm, based in Melbourne, Florida. Gilbert is a certified Lead Like Jesus Facilitator with extensive leadership experience in the private, public and non-profit sectors. He has been a contributing author to the Lead Like Jesus Blog for almost 3 years writing monthly on such issues as servant leadership, accountability, trust and integrity. Gilbert s a sought-after Speaker, Trainer, and Executive Coach. Gilbert is a Registered Shared Neutral (Mediator) with the State Supreme Court of Georgia. He recently retired an Associate Director for the Human Resources Office at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention in Atlanta, Georgia. Gilbert has been married to his best friend, Annie, for almost 40 years. Together they have raised two beautiful daughters, Holley and Logan.
