Accountability and responsibility are concepts that, like the dinosaur, seem buried in the past. Too often we hear children say, “we’ll get in trouble so don’t tell Mom and Dad.” At work, employees say “They won’t notice”, or you’ve heard, “It wasn’t my fault. It would have been fine if (fill in the blank) had done what they were supposed to.” Why is it so difficult to admit our mistakes?
We’re human, we’re flawed and will eventually make mistakes. The truth is, we’d rather not let people know about our mistakes (sins). But the real problem isn’t the mistakes, it’s constantly worrying about someone finding out about them; so, we keep things secret. But quite often, the behaviors we choose and the things that we do to cover up our mistakes are worse than the mistakes themselves.
Psychotherapist Elizabeth Fedrick, PhD and Michelle Felder, LCSW state “recent findings, including a study from Columbia University, suggest that the problem isn’t so much the act of keeping secrets. Instead, our distress lies in repeatedly thinking about info we’re trying to conceal. The Columbia researchers, for instance, found that people who spent more time ruminating about their secrets tended to experience worse physical and emotional well-being.” Whether at work or home, the Bible (Proverbs 28:13, TLB) tells us:
“A man who refuses to admit his mistakes can never be successful.
But if he confesses and forsakes them, he gets another chance.”
A large part of keeping our failure to accept responsibility isn’t that we don’t want to be accountable; it’s that we fear the consequences of the discipline that may follow. Children are afraid they’ll be punished if their parents find out. Employees fear the consequences ranging from poor performance evaluations, suspension or even termination. We keep things to ourselves because if others find out, we don’t know how they’ll react or what they’ll do.
It is our human nature that tells us to expect the worst. We function through what psychologists refer to as the “pleasure-pain principle.” Our natural inclination is to minimize or avoid negative consequences (avoid pain) in favor of seeking rewards, praise or recognition (pleasure). But in reality, things are seldom as bad as we think. Most times, our willingness to admit mistakes or confess our sins is established by the environment that we find ourselves in.
As leaders, we can’t avoid discipline, but we can choose to make use of each instance as a growth opportunity. We can use each opportunity for the “edification” or “the improvement of the mind and understanding, especially by learning” (Merriam-Webster) of the individual.
Jesus viewed our mistakes (sin) not through the eyes of condemnation but through the eyes of grace. Who can forget how Jesus addressed the adultery in John 8:3-9? When the Pharisees brought a woman to Jesus expecting that He would support stoning her (John 8:3-9). Jesus didn’t avoid addressing her sin. However, first we addressed the crowd. He challenged them to cast the first stone if they were free of sin. After the crowd left, he turned his attention to the woman asking, “Woman, where are they? Did no one condemn you?” She replied, “No one, Lord.” Jesus said, “I do not condemn you either. Go. From now on sin no more.”
We can pursue leading like Jesus by looking at others through the eyes of grace, as He did. Jesus didn’t shy away from the crowd or the sinner. He addressed the crowds’ ill motives and then turned His attention to her sin. He didn’t condemn her, He offered grace, mercy and redemption. What would it be like, and how would others behave, if we were viewed not as “the avenger” looking to punish them for their mistake; but, as a leader looking for opportunities, even in their perceived failure, to build them up (edify). A leader, viewed as a redeemer, who would rather build up them than them tear down.
We don’t have the luxury of not ignoring mistakes, but we can choose to address them differently. I believe that viewing through the eyes of grace creates a positive environment that fosters, promotes and rewards accepting accountability and responsibility. I believe that viewing (and leading) through the eyes of grace would be transformational. I believe that children would, rather than fear, seek their parents’ wisdom and guidance. I believe employees would be more willing to admit and seek to correct their mistakes rather than shroud them in secrecy. And most importantly I believe that leaders would be empowered to be authentic, basing their decisions on the leadership principles of Jesus and scripture. 2 Timothy 3:16-17 (CEV) says:
“Everything in the Scriptures is God’s Word. All of it is useful for teaching and helping people and for correcting them and showing them how to live. The Scriptures train God’s servants to do all kinds of good deeds.”
I believe we would be more willing to confess our sins and mistakes if we believed that we would be met with grace rather than condemnation. Don’t you?
Challenge: Have you experienced a situation in which you were met with grace rather than condemnation? Share that experience with someone. Explain what it was like and the impact it had on you. Please feel free to share your experience with us also.
Gilbert Camacho serves as President, Organizational Leadership Solutions, a management consulting firm, based in Melbourne, Florida. Gilbert is a certified Lead Like Jesus Facilitator with extensive leadership experience in the private, public and non-profit sectors. He has been a contributing author to the Lead Like Jesus Blog for almost 3 years writing monthly on such issues as servant leadership, accountability, trust and integrity. Gilbert s a sought-after Speaker, Trainer, and Executive Coach. Gilbert is a Registered Shared Neutral (Mediator) with the State Supreme Court of Georgia. He recently retired an Associate Director for the Human Resources Office at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention in Atlanta, Georgia. Gilbert has been married to his best friend, Annie, for almost 40 years. Together they have raised two beautiful daughters, Holley and Logan.
